I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.

I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.