I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.