You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up.
I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!