What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.

I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.

I can't get no respect.

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.