What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.

I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.