My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?
When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.
When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.