My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.
I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".
And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.
I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
My wife gives good headache.