Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.

My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.

My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.