Man, who don't like spaghetti?

I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.

I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!

I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.

When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'