Man, who don't like spaghetti?

People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.

Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.

I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.

I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.

If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit