I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!