I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

I don't get no respect, no respect at all!

I was a poster child... for birth control!

When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."