I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.

I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.

I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.