I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred.

If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.

Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.

I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.