I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.

I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.