My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.
Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.
My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.
There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.
If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant.