I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.

She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.