One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.