One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.

It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up.

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!