One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"