I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.