I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles