I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.