I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.