I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.

Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!