I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.

It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.