I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.