I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.