He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.

I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother

I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.