He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred.

I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.