At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.

When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'