Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.

You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark