You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.