You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.