You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.

After I got divorced, I said to myself, I will never, ever get married again. It was in cement. I went through a really rough twenty-five years, but it happened again. I fell in love. I told her, Baby, I don't want a prenuptial agreement. This is it. Everyone told me I was nuts. Well, my new wife and I are married six years and we get along great. You can make anything work if you're both givers.

My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.