You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.

I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.