I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.

To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.