I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.
I have three kids, one of each.
I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!
My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.