You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred.

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!

She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.

I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.