After I got divorced, I said to myself, I will never, ever get married again. It was in cement. I went through a really rough twenty-five years, but it happened again. I fell in love. I told her, Baby, I don't want a prenuptial agreement. This is it. Everyone told me I was nuts. Well, my new wife and I are married six years and we get along great. You can make anything work if you're both givers.

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.