After I got divorced, I said to myself, I will never, ever get married again. It was in cement. I went through a really rough twenty-five years, but it happened again. I fell in love. I told her, Baby, I don't want a prenuptial agreement. This is it. Everyone told me I was nuts. Well, my new wife and I are married six years and we get along great. You can make anything work if you're both givers.

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.

Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the homes of the kids I went to school with. I had to go to the back doors to make the deliveries. It was embarrassing. That was one thing out of a hundred.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!