My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.