Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."

I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.