One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.

I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.