My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."

People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.