My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.

I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.