My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.