Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".