I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.

Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."

my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens