She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.