She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

I can't figure women out. They put on makeup for three hours. They wear things that make them smaller. Things that make them bigger. Then they meet a man and they want truth.

My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.