My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.