My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."

My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.