When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.