When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.

To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.