I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant.

We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the homes of the kids I went to school with. I had to go to the back doors to make the deliveries. It was embarrassing. That was one thing out of a hundred.