My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.

I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table.

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.