The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.