Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.

I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.

At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.