At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.
The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.
[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.