What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon .