My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.