She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.

Comedy is a camouflage for depression.

I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.

A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

Man, who don't like spaghetti?

I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.