She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!

I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!

Man, who don't like spaghetti?

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.

You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.