I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.

If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.

I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

My wife gives good headache.