One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.