One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.

I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.