I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
I was a poster child... for birth control!
She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.