Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.