She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.

My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.