She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!

When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.