Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.
I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant.