I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".

School is a place were you go to eat your lunch