I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.