People seldom live up to their baby pictures.
She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.