I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.

I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!

I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."