I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.

To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.

Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.