I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.