I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!

My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.