I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.

We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.