I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.

You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.