I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.

Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

I don't get no respect