I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.

It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.

Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.

I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.