I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.