My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.

They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.