My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.

You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.

At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.

Man, who don't like spaghetti?