Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles
I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'