What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.
I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.