I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."

I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.

I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.