They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.