They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'