They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.