They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.

I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.

You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

People seldom live up to their baby pictures.