I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!