I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

I don't get no respect

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?

I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.