I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

I can't get no respect.

Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.

It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.